It’s been a long time. Sorry about that.
I moved to Kansas City and started my new job and then got a little lazy with writing. Okay, a lot lazy. My laptop is super old & slow (I’ve had in since July 2011) so I hateeeeeee using it. And then add in writer’s block…and then you have 7 months since I wrote and posted a blog.
I renewed this domain about 6/7 weeks ago. At the time, I didn’t really have the funds to pay the yearly fee…but had that feeling I shouldn’t let the site go.
Over the past 7 months, there’s been so many moments where I thought “I really should write about this.”
• My dad’s trial and sentencing.
• Finding a new church home.
• The grief and other crazy emotions rollercoaster
• Feeling stuck. Being stuck. How to get unstuck.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine from Springfield launched a blog. Her name is Tauri. We briefly knew each other when I lived in Springfield and we were in the same life group at James River Church. Check out her blog, Talk Time With Tauri. Seeing her launch and having followed her journey on social media the last few years, it was inspiring to me to get writing again. Her testimony is beautiful and everything the Lord has done in her life is miraculous and it’s an honor to watch that journey from afar.
We all have a testimony. There are miraculous things in all of our lives. The Lord does beautiful things each and every day. Those 4 bullets above…huge parts of my testimony. I don’t know why it’s so hard to share about certain things on this platform. I know I’m supposed to, but it’s terrifying to make it public. Have a one on one convo with me, I’ll share my heart 2 minutes after we meet. But this? So different.
Now that I’ve rambled for an hour, let me tell you a story.
Back in December (a week and a half after I moved and started my new job), I spent a week at home for my dad’s trial. Longest days of my life. He was found guilty on 4 of 6 charges, and given a recommended sentence by the jury. The judge officially sentenced in April. My 25th birthday fell during the trial week. I hadn’t yet taken the stand to testify, so I spent the entire day nervous (but also ready) to testify. Some way to spend a birthday, right? I ended up not needing to take the stand on my birthday. I finally got my chance a couple days later…and it was one of the hardest things in my life to do. No one has “testify at a criminal trial” on their bucket list. After the fact? I felt so good. So strong. I had done what I needed to. Unfortunately, it meant testifying against my father, but I had a story about my experience to share, and it needed to be done on that platform.
My dad is at the beginning of a 14-16 year sentence in the Missouri DOC. I registered with their Victim Services to receive updates, and had to call a number yesterday to verify my information. It provided me with an update on my dad’s sentence. “This inmates estimated release date is July 21, 2033.”
Hearing that date, even though it is technically an estimate, put life into perspective for me. My dad will be 77 years old when he is released from prison. I will be 40. For someone with freedom, 2033 isn’t that far away. You and I can do a lot in 15 years. By God’s grace, I will have a couple young children by then. But for someone in prison? I can’t even imagine how 15 years will feel. And to get out when you’re 77? My dad will miss out on a lot. He has missed out on a lot these past 2.5 years, and he will continue to miss out due to being behind bars for majority of the rest of his life. Currently, I have chosen to have no contact with him. I’m stubborn and want to say there will be no contact in the future. But God has a way of changing my perspective, desires, life path, etc….so I guess I will just leave that one up to him.
You might be wondering what the point of this post is. That’s great, because I’m wondering the same thing. If you figure it out, let me know. Maybe it’s perspective? What things in your life do you need perspective on? Think about the last 15 years of your life. Think about the next 15. What do you want to accomplish? What are you praying for?
Make your plans. Make your goals. Go for them.
But remember, God will always put our plans and goals in perspective…and sometimes that involves changing them completely. His plans are always better than ours.